Perhaps I might have been wrong on a recent review I wrote concerning former Soul Coughing frontman Mike Doughty.  Honestly I did everything short of calling him a cock bag in my recent review of his new memoir “The Book of Drugs”.  You see, my vision was clouded by my admiration of his former band.  I had gone to see Soul Coughing, pre-heyday in small clubs in Cleveland.  I saw them grow from this small college rock indie band in small clubs, to medium sized halls to a big arena opening act.  Soul Coughing helped me woo women with mix-tapes (it was still the early 90′s, I was a few years early for mix cd’s).  Soul Coughing was that something different in a world of Soundgarden, Pearl Jam grunge.  Their music mixed elements of pop, rap, funk and the poetic lyrics of Doughty.  Putting on a Soul Coughing record was a complete ride on some obscure roller coaster of sound and emotion.

To be 100% honest when Soul Coughing broke up I had lost interest.  Mostly due to the fact my little indie band grew up to something mainstream and boring.  (Sorry again Mike). Opening for Dave Matthews pretty much killed it for me completely.  They became a footnote in my fickle musical life.  I’d still pull out Ruby Vroom for Janine, Blue Eyed Devil, and True Dreams of Wichita is arguably one of the best anti-rock rock songs ever made.  Irresistible Bliss is one of my favorite records of all time.  It is solid throughout.  When El Oso came out it completely bombed for me.  However I now like it a hell of a lot more than I did back then.

Now after seeing Doughty read from his book and play live at the Beachland last night I wonder what could have been of the band.  I’m semi-famous in my circles for saying something one night when I walked out of the middle of a DJ set.  I was playing music for idiots who would rather listen to bubblegum pop bullshit over something fresh and new.  After a string of requests for shit like Hannah Montana I disgustedly stopped the music, got on the mic and said “I’m a fucking artist.  I don’t need this shit.” threw the mic to the floor smashing it to pieces, packed up my gear and hit the road never to DJ again.  I had been doing it for 5 years or so at that point, and it was the same thing over and over.  I loved this great new music coming out that no one got.  Yet I kept going back week after week for a paycheck only to completely blow a gasket and make a scene that would rival that of a rock star.  I was fueled on chemicals of course living in this fake world just to pick up an extra few bucks a month.  The money I made was going to bar tabs where I played. It ceased to be fun and became a job and my employers and crowd were people I silently loathed.  My heart wanted to be into it, on my terms, but I continued to play their game until I just blew the fuck up citing the those two sentences “I’m a fucking artist.  I don’t need this shit.”

I wonder now if on a much larger scale if this was what it was like for Doughty when Soul Coughing called it quits.  He had a vision of what he wanted but then had a bunch of ass clowns who wanted to hold him back and just more or less torment the guy.  He said one thing last night that got me.  He said something along the lines of if you could only imagine what Super Bon Bon was supposed to sound like.  I was floored by his vision, and he couldn’t even get the words out of his mouth.  His frustration showed that those beats, and what he visioned as the song, completely haunted him in the moment on stage.  His face was pained with a complete look of FUCK!!!!!!  Those beats, his vision was right there on the tip of his tongue and he was pained that he wasn’t able to just bring out a real band to orchestrate it right there.

In the book his band was a bunch of assholes.  He was surrounded by people using him the whole way.  They were riding his creativity and stifled it for one reason and one reason only.  That band liked the money and to rock the boat would mean that the cash cow would produce milk no more.  The thing is minus the band Doughty is just really talented.  The dude takes some great photos, can write songs, verse and just regular old written word like a mother fucker.  I always liked his solo stuff.  It’s quirky stripped down pop.  His lyrics are out there at times, but his solo music can make you feel 10 times more than a Soul Coughing record ever could.

His set at the sold out Beachland Tavern show clocked in at just under 2 hours.  He sang songs, answered audience questions (even ones about Soul Coughing which he never talks about) and read from his book.  He is an amazing entertainer.  It was him, a spotlight and a guitar and that is all the guy needs to completely captivate an audience.  The crowd minus a little talking here and there was dead silent.  Those who did talk were given a “shut up or get the fuck out” speech that would rival Ryan Adams or Jeff Tweedy.  His performance rivaled those two as well.  Mike Doughty is easily one of the most underrated singer songwriters touring today.  He plowed through tons of solo material with not one Soul Coughing song needed to win anyone over.  Yeah sure some loudmouthed douche drunkenly yelled some Soul Coughing lyrics but fuck that guy and his chin beard.  Everyone else was there for Doughty as himself not an acoustic Soul Coughing tribute.  So I apologize Mike Doughty.  I now get it.  Just next time can you fucking play “The Gambler”?

Accident prone.  That’s me in a nutshell.  I can tell you about my countless injuries over the years that include broken collar bones, dislocated shoulders, the torn ACL or even the time after a softball game when I went to turn the key in the ignition of my car and my elbow dislocated and just dangled like a piece of rubber.  I think my biggest claim to fame was when I broke my finger…playing kickball.  Yeah, kickball.  I went to catch the stupid ball and rather than cradle catch the thing as it plummeted what seemed the length to the sun I reached up with both hands and the son of a bitch hit dead center on my middle finger snapping it like a twig.

I was never a huge sports guy in my youth.  Sure I played some team sports but for the most part I was the sensitive artist who was more interested in chasing skirts than chasing after a ball.  I was into movies, art, and music back then.  As I grew older I started playing more pick up games on the basketball court, playing softball or football on teams, and I really liked doing that.  About 5 years ago after way too many injuries to count I packed up my cleats and quit.  There was no fanfare, however one city probably rejoiced in my retirement behind closed doors somewhere.  I had been kicked out of a softball game for punching an umpire in the face in that particular city.  He was squeezing me behind the plate, and to set the record straight he came after me first.

Fast forward to Monday.  I’m at the empty Westlake Recreation Center playing basketball while my wife was riding the bike or on some sort of machine.  Early in the day the basketball courts are completely dead so I get an hour of cardio huffing up and down the lanes running after 80% of my bricks and air balls.  It’s a good work out for me and I really do enjoy it.  I’m about 40 minutes in when I throw up a decent shot that hits the rim and comes blazing straight back at me.  I lift my hands and I am shocked the ball slides right through my overhead grasp.  I come back to the floor shocked at how I missed the ball and as my feet hit the floor I feel it.  I sprained my back.  I try to work it out a little but my back is slowly starting to burn.  I hit the locker room for a quick steam in the sauna hoping that will work it out.  It doesn’t and slowly I come to be in the most pain I can ever recall being in.

I worked Monday, and hobbled through the day.  Every move became more difficult, walking, sitting, standing I could not get comfortable.  I came home exhausted and woke up the next morning feeling like I went a round with Tyson where all he did was punch me repeatedly in the back.  I could hardly walk.  I had to get myself to the ER.  I drove to the ER and can I just tell you the parking at St. John’s Westshore is horrible?  I ended up having to park at least 200 yards from the ER doors.  It took me what seemed forever to get to those sliding glass doors baby stepping the entire way.

The good thing was I was in and out in about 3 hours.  I was x-rayed, poked and prodded, and diagnosed with a severe back sprain.  Now, unfortunately, there really is nothing you can do for an injury like this.  I was prescribed a muscle relaxer, and Vicodin.  I went to pick that up at the Giant Eagle Pharmacy and popped a couple of those which put me in sleepy land in less than an hour.  Nice Valentine’s Day huh?  After a night of doing nothing I went to bed and woke up again in complete agony.  Not wanting to miss work I suited up and went in…for two hours until the pain was so unbearable I popped a couple more pills.  I was useless, and went home.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday to hear what a mess I am and try to get them to work this out.  It worked!  But only for a few hours.  I am again in agony and I sit here today and stare down two bottles of narcotics that give the sexy allure of making the pain go away.  I choose to go for the Ibuprofen instead.  I hate prescription drugs.  It is a road I don’t want to go down.  I don’t like any prescription drug in all honesty.  I refuse to fill prescriptions at times because I just don’t like the thought of daily pill maintenance.  After having all 4 wisdom teeth pulled I refused to even fill the prescription recently.  I see my parents and all the pills they have to take and refuse to head down that road.  These opioids are the last thing I want to cling to.  I don’t want to “need” them.  I fired my last Doctor for his pill happy prescription pad last year.  Not every aliment needs a pill.  As a matter of fact there are only rare instances where I can even think a pill is the answer to anything.  Terminal diseases sure, but remembering life on prescription drugs, pain pills makes me just say no.

So today I sit at home, yet again, missing work in pain.  It sucks.  It’s depressing because I just got started.  I just got into going to the gym.  The solitude of me and my iPod running the hardwood court shooting hoops.  I lost 20 pounds in less than 2 months, eating healthy and getting some activity.  I looked forward to going to play my solo basketball game.  I truly enjoyed it.  It was a way to blow off steam, to think, to meditate.  4 to 6 weeks of healing.  4 to 6 weeks of the chiropractor, which that I don’t mind as I can really use that therapy.  I just started 4 to 6 weeks ago and now I am out for that same amount of time.  To put it mildly, this sucks.  The pain sucks, and in time that will diminish.  The thing I don’t want to lose is the time building these good habits.  However you slice it I can hardly walk without pain right now.  I’m sidelined and it blows.

I made a decent “smoothie” again.  This one a Spicy V8-esque concoction.

8 carrots, cut into chunks
4 stalks of celery, cut into chunks
1 can Tomatoes w/Green Chilies (shut it about sodium, I know where you’re going)
1 bunch of fresh spinach
1/2 medium white onion
2 cloves fresh garlic

Anyhow, last night after getting the car we headed out to Kamm’s to stop up at The Public House for a party that we never made it to.  Why?  Because the people who go to Kamm’s Corner area bars don’t know how to park.  The parking lot was a complete nightmare, as it always is there.  I had a new car, I wasn’t risking it.  Case in point some complete jackass was stopped directly in the right lane of the parking lot to pick up food creating a back up.  Next piece of the puzzle?  Some jackass was parked on Lorain, right in front of the Public House, picking up food from the Steak and Shake.  The Steak and Shake by the way had no parking either.  However an idiot who stops directly in the flow of Rocky River Drive and Lorain to pick up a freakin’ Steak and Shake deserves a ticket which the cop that cruised right by didn’t give them opting to drive on.  So, I left pissed with no parking, no party.  I need to say that this happens frequently in this area and makes it barely a blip on my radar anymore.  It is just way too congested.

So, we had a second stop to make that night but went super early because my stress level was at red alert.  We drove onward to The Savannah over in Westlake to go see a band playing at my friends wedding in August called Shock Wave.  I seriously stayed for an hour because I was dead on my feet, but the hour I saw I really liked.  The band has a classic funk, soul and Motown sound.  For that sort of vibe, cover party band that is, they were phenomenal.  They had a great live sound and a singer that just completely owned the crowd.  We are talking full on boogie with horns and soulful frontman.  This cat walked the entire room, singing to the ladies, getting folks to the dance floor, and being an overall Prime Minister of Funk.  Yeah, they are the ultimate party band and I would totally check them out again.  Make sure to check them out http://theshockwaveband.com/

Now we get to The Savannah Bar & Grille.  As much as I want to like them I don’t.  Service is hit or miss and to really sum the place up is the word “Tacky”.  It is the epitome of strip mall bars; white, sterile, and boring.  I mean white in decor (with the matching deep green booths that come standard in strip mall bars) and I mean white in clientele.  Jokingly known as part of the Viagra Triangle it is full of single cougars on the prowl and single older gentlemen looking to score.  I heard last year they were trying to reinvent themselves by getting different bands in there like The Breakfast Club.  So they are going from 50′s  and 60′s to 70′s and 80′s?  Not much of a change guys.  If you want to make a change get rid of those ugly ceiling fans that look like they are from grandma’s dining room.  Lose the white drop ceilings, and get rid of the majority of the low tables, you have enough booth seating to cater to the senior circuit.

I hate being so hypercritical of a place because I don’t like to look like a total dick, and I am not a bar or business owner.  I just know the first things that scream out to me that could stand an update.  I looked at the concert calendar as well and see they are booked with bands for the better part of the year.  If you want variety in your clientele you need to get variety in talent.  If I know XYZ band is going to be there every Saturday I know I can skip a month and still walk into the same thing the next month.  Maybe it works for you guys though.  It seems to work though because it was standing room at 9pm on a Saturday night.  I’m just telling you why I don’t visit more often.

I’m really digging the Vitamix going 3 days in.  The potential for this beast are endless.  I knew I wanted to get some green into my life so I started off small going for spinach this morning.  The concoction was amazing.

2 Peaches (chopped)
1 McIntosh Red Apple (cored & quartered)
2 cups spinach
1 Banana
8oz So Delicious Vanilla Coconut milk
6 ice cubes

So yesterday I had a lot to do and it started off with A NEW CAR! (cue Price is Right music).  The lease was coming up on my current Nissan Sentra so I figured yesterday would be a nice day to look since it was so crappy out.  We are a Nissan family.  It is doubtful I would ever get another make honestly.  My dealership of choice is Nissan of North Olmsted.  Are you kidding me????  (local commercial inside joke there)  They treat me very well there, plus with 0.1% financing for the life of the lease I’m in.  We ended up in and out in around an hour or so with a brand new 2012 Special Edition Sentra and it’s pretty decked out.  What’s so special about the Special Edition?  Well…

I realize I have been an absent blogger as of late, but I have been dealing with some personal issues best left off the blog.  A loss of a good friend kind of sent the shock waves through my system.  He was a good friend, a loving husband to his wife and an amazing father to two very young boys.  More than anything he was in good health.  Well, until he was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer in 2011.  He made the right decisions in life not only mentally and spiritually but from a health standpoint this just never should have happened.  You think of the nicest guy in the world, who made all the right decisions in life, with never a bad word to say about anyone, who did not judge and lived life to its core this was the guy.  He will be missed but his legacy will live on forever in my life because when you look back at someone like this you embrace what you have and try to make it that much better.  How can I make changes in my life that will prolong my days?  How can I be a better person, not only for myself, but also to those around that care about me.

So, I bought a Vitamix.  I am not making light of the death of my friend at all.  I bought a Vitamix because I took a long look at my diet, eating habits and life and contemplated on some horrendous trends over the years.  I recall weighing 225.  I was a big dude, and have been my entire life.  When I packed on an extra 25 I didn’t care.  I was hitting 250, but I wore it well.  I could hide it still.  Fast forward to 40 years old and 300 pounds I became the poster child for obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.  Add on the poor food choices I was making you can go ahead and throw cancer magnet in there too.  I was not active, I drank on the weekends to excess with my friends.  I became the guy who didn’t care.  I slid by because I have an amazing wife and my friends never once ragged on me for being the fat guy.  I always was the fat guy so the extra few pounds just kept me being the fat guy.  In my youth I was compared to Keifer Sutherland, in my late 20′s I was compared to Chris Elliot, in my late 30′s to now I get Kevin James references.  I don’t mind the references at all.  It’s not a horrible thing to look like someone famous, but you see that progression?  I’d rather have stayed looking like Keifer.

So, the Vitamix is another tool in healthy me.  I can make smoothies, juices, fresh soups, salsa and like 7,000,000 other things to keep me on track.  The price tag of $400 and change?  Ouch, yes absolutely.  However it does replace tons of gadgets I have and other gadgets I wanted.  Thus far I have been sticking to the smoothies but once I get the hang of it I am confident I’ll be able to run my own infomercial on it.  It’s more or less a blender on steroids when you get right down to it.  It is a shiny object to keep my inner child happy.  I just chugged a smoothie made of wholesome fruits because I like listening to the motor rev like a German sports car.  Immediately after watching the tornado of soapy bubbles clean it I threw in fresh tomatoes, black beans, garlic, peppers and shallots to make fresh salsa.  It’s a gadget, and toy that will satisfy my limited attention span all the while packing me full of nutritious whole foods.

Vitamix has a refurbished unit showroom and store right on Great Northern Blvd. tucked behind the HH Gregg.  The staff was friendly and knowledgeable.  So much so as a matter of fact I would say they were outstanding customer service.  They host Chef demos on Saturdays and Sunday from 1pm – 3pm which I am sure I will check out one of these days.  The machine itself is rock solid and covered by the same 7 year warranty as the brand spanking new ones.  With my purchase I got a bag full of loot too including 3 cookbooks, popsicle mold, 3 extra tampers, and a fist full of spatulas  To top it all off Vitamix is a local owned and operated company located right here in Northeast Ohio.  My overall impression of Vitamix before buying one was somewhat that of a cult, but it always appears that way to people who just don’t know any better.  If Vitamix is a cult go ahead and call me David Koresh  because the only way you’ll get it from me is under heavy gunfire in an ATF raid on my compound.

I am not sure who exactly comes up with the Playlists on iTunes but the workout mixes make feel there is a 13 year old teen girl and a 30-something gay dude in on it.  I think maybe out of the 75-ish songs I can tolerate like a handful of them.  I don’t need the constant boom-boom-boom of 500 BPM’s or people screaming at me.  I made my own, and I am a bit of a self proclaimed music snob.  It’s a couple parts high energy stuff and a couple parts stuff I throw on because I just dig it.  Personally I fear taking classes because I don’t want to hear an updated house version of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” as I cycle.  It all reminds me of really bad music the hip mom Cheerleading coach thinks is cool, but truly isn’t.  

1.  North American Scum – LCD Soundsystem

2.  The Harder They Come – Jimmy Cliff

3.  O.P.P. – Naughty By Nature

4.  Machine Gun – The Commodores

5.  The End Has No End – The Strokes

6.  Multiply – Jamie Lidell

7.  Elegantly Wasted – INXS

8.  Straight To Hell – The Clash

9.  Portions For Foxes – Rilo Kiley

10.  The National Anthem – Radiohead

12.  Don’t You Evah – Spoon

13.  Wish You Were Here – Ryan Adams

14.  Rock the House – Gorillaz

15.  The Worst Day Since Yesterday – Flogging Molly

16.  Mudslide – Craig Ross

17.  Loaded – Primal Scream

18.  Silence – Gomez

19.  Down In It – Nine inch Nails

20.  Hungry Like the Wolf – Duran Duran

21.  The Boy With the arab Strap – Belle and Sebastian

22.  Drain You – Nirvana

23.  Ball and Chain (Honky Tonk version) – Mike Ness

24.  Lonely Boy – The Black Keys

25.  T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S. – The Hives

26.  Jack-ass – Beck

27.  Can’t Hardly Wait – justin Townes Earle

28.  Bad Mouth – Fugazi

29.  Here Comes Your Man – Pixies

30.  Got To Give It Up – Marvin Gaye

31.  Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of – U2

32.  Express Yourself – N.W.A.

33.  1901 – Phoenix

34.  Hey Darlin’ Do You Gamble – Lucero

35.  Felt Good On My Lips – Tim McGraw

36.  Let’s Take a Walk – Raphael Saadiq

37.  God’s Gonna Cut You Down – Johnny Cash

38.  The world At Large – Modest Mouse

39.  Chatterton – Serge Gainsbourg

40.  I Am Superman – R.E.M.

41.  Nu Tones – Nomo

42.  The Seeker – The Who

43.  Ain’t No East Way – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

44.  You Can Do It – Ice Cube

45.  Darklands – Jesus and Mary Chain

46.  Am I Wasted My Time – Eli “Paperboy” Reed

47.  Timebomb – Old 97′s 

48.  The Only One I know – The Charlatans UK

49.  If You’re Going Through Hell – Rodney Atkins

50.  PDA – Interpol

51.  Oh! Sweet Nuthin’ – The Velvet Underground

52.  Red Morning Light – Kings of Leon

53.  Who Knows Who? – Orgone

54.  Relator – Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

55.  Pressure Drop – Toots & The Maytals

56.  Smoke a Little Smoke – Eric Church

57.  I Turn My Camera On – Spoon

58.  L.S.F. (featuring Kasabian) – Mark Ronson

59.  Bye Bye Badman – The Stone Roses

60.  South Side of Heaven – Ryan Bingham

The Time Warp is a nice little bar down the street from me.  I’ve been there a handful of times in the last few years.  Quite possibly they have one of the best Happy Hours in the area.  Alas, the food selection is marginal at best.  The food is kind of to the point of, “Man I had too much to drink.  I should probably eat something.”  Fried, fried and more fried.  However the Time Warp is not really a foodie paradise.  It is a strong cocktail joint with a decent beer selection.  The decor is like a high end basement somewhere.  Tons of sports, movie, and music memorabilia hang on the white walls.  You are guaranteed to notice something different every time.  The bar is relatively small but there is ample seating on the floor.  The service has always been on the money as well.  So, it is a pretty decent place to come out for a quiet night, hit the Golden Tee or watch the game.

The Time Warp never seems to get very packed.  I see this as a plus, the owners might disagree.  Friday night Channel 3′s Monica Robins band The Whiskey Kings were playing and they turned out to be a pretty good party band.  Who knew Monica Robins had pipes like that though?  Damn, she can really sing plus the band was pretty tight.  Normally I’m not a cover band kind of guy but it was a nice change of pace for me.  The place had a pretty decent crowd, albeit a little older than me (and I am somewhere around 40).  However that being said it was a nice respectful crowd.  I felt very comfortable while I was there.  Not like other places I go I fear getting shanked with a prison shiv or anything but it was just a nice mellow night.  The only downside is parking is at a premium because of the new internet cafe that opened next door.  Time Warp is well worth checking out if you are in the area for some cocktails though for sure.